Wall
We are in month 5 of my one year journey of being single.
I knew that it would be easy to keep this promise to myself but I have caught myself putting up a wall in front of anyone who could be a possible suitor. I found that because of my constant state of being heartbroken or entangled with another person, I am more guarded than ever before.
On the one hand, this is fantastic! I have been able to keep my promises to myself and focus only on things that will help me move forward. On the other hand, I haven’t been able to let anyone in. At the beginning of all of this, I thought it would be easy. I simply wouldn’t put myself out there at all. I would keep to myself. I would make sure that if a guy was flirting with me to let him know that I was solely focused on my work at the moment. Now, here I am, gazing at this fictional person who encompasses everything I could ever want and somehow, I am purposefully sabotaging any hopes of it becoming real.
Let’s face it, in the age of the Coronavirus pandemic, new relationships should not exist. However, if you find someone who can spark your mind, make you feel like the most beautiful woman in the room, make you smile, make you laugh… A person who whenever they message you then your heart leaps with joy… A person who whenever you tell them your outrageous dreams and goals that you want to achieve, they inspire you, motivate you, and push you to go after them because they believe in you more than you believe in you… A person who even though the world is falling apart, they manage to make you forget everything that is wrong around you… A person who matches your intellect and then gives you a chance to debate and outshine them… Someone who when you speak with them, everything clicks and you realize why every other relationship was a failure. What if that person existed?
If that person existed, would you continue with your one year of being single?
My answer is: Yes.
If there is anything I have learned these past five months it is that: Whatever is meant to be mine will be. Seriously. There are so many instances in this past year that has shown me that there is a path for me.
If I find a magical Prince Charming who is ready to sweep me off my feet then I am sure he will still be ready 7 months from now when I am ready. This Christmas season, while I am watching my friends get engaged, or married, or announcing their pregnancies, or showing off their relationships, I will be remembering that the “perfect” person is out there waiting for me to and I will know that I am ready for them because that wall that I have been keeping in front of me will finally crumble down.
If you are a singleton this holiday season who has a bad habit of longing for a relationship, remember that the best relationships come when you are not looking.
Happy Holidays!
