Real
The clock starts.
Five laps under a minute each.
My brain flashes all the moments I thought, “I can’t do this.”
I pick up the pace… or at least I try to.
My breath begins to flutter into the abyss.
No one is watching me yet I can feel this judgmental gaze burning down on me like the blazing hot summer sun.
I round the corner wanting to pat myself on the back for doing a job well done but, I am greeted with 10 burpees.
Suddenly, out of no where my insecurities have no more space in my head because all I can think of is, “You have to keep breathing.” With this realization, I see that…
He is not real.
Then the fun part comes.
A pair of blue eyes stare at me intently under a black face mask.
He is not real.
Maybe the blue eyes aren’t real either. In fact, all I can see is a human punching bag who absorbs each punch, each kick, and each teardrop that rolls through my face during the course of the hour.
He is not real.
In that moment, the eyes are every negative thought that has passed through my head. They are every man who has ever broken my heart. They are every rejection letter that has been so delicately placed into my email.
He is not real.
I detach myself from the world for a moment and imagine myself floating over a large body of water. In that moment, the water is so still that I finally feel calm.
BAM! I get a smack in the head from the Universe telling me to stay on solid ground.
He is not real.
We relocate to my mortal enemy: a literal uphill climb that reminds me of all the mistakes I have made in past lives. All my fears are manifested into a singular blue staircase. “Distract yourself,” I think.
He is not real.
How did I get here? How did I survive this? How am I still going? “Pick up the pace, faster, keep going,” those are the only things the voice inside my head are yelling. Yet there’s this insistent reminder…
He is not real.
The clock stops.
There’s a powerful silence. In that moment, gravity pulls me to the ground.
With my shaking legs, my lethargic arms, and a pool of sweat hugging me— I have returned to the land of the living.
I am no longer dying. I am the most alive I have ever been. I am a powerful superhuman.
Now that I’m back to reality, I realize that even though He is not real, I am.
I am a person with hopes, dreams, imperfections, and a glowing soul.
With pure elation, I say goodbye to the blue eyes that are hiding under the black face mask.
We part ways.
I am alone… Until He returns like a dark shadow whispering in my ear, “You can’t escape.”
After whining, complaining, and bitching for an hour what I would give to start the clock over again so that I can get the fire back in my eyes.
But that’s the thing…
The clock doesn’t start again until next week.
Till then, I have to fight Him on my own.
